General - Nightwolf's Den

It’s harder if you care.

(Handing my blog over to the lovely Fiona today to share with you a little of what it’s like to live with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). May is BPD Awareness Month. Help eliminate the stigma and raise awareness of this serious condition by educating yourself and others.)

It’s harder if you care.

It causes me to drive you away. Please. I’m not worth it. Not worth your affection. All I’m going to do it hurt you and frankly fuck up your life, so get out now while you still can.

Fatal Attraction. Mad Love. Girl, Interrupted. Prozac Nation.

Choose your film.

Girls with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) are messed up, and are going to screw up your life.

At least that’s the media’s angle.

We’re way more likely to screw up our own.

What did this mean for me?

30 years old. My partner is my high school sweetheart. I’m a Speech Pathologist. I just got my masters in Inclusive education. I work with kids with disabilities in a specialist autism school.

And yet, I’m suicidal.

Regularly self harming. Cutting and drinking.

Sleeping around. Lies.

Trying to get my partner to break it off. Desperately.

And yet he won’t. He still loves me. Sees the good in me. Wants to help me.

We set boundaries. Well, he sets them , I agree.

And then break them.

He doesn’t know I’ve resumed my Bulimic behaviours. Enough to get a dual diagnosis.

That there’s more than he ever knew.

I ran away.

It was all I knew how to do.

I needed an out.

He broke it off. And he took me to hospital.

And got me help.

They diagnose Borderline Personality Disorder.

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behaviour covered in (5).
A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. This is called “splitting.”
Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behaviour covered in (5).
Recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behaviour.
Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
Chronic feelings of emptiness.
Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).
Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

I fit this well.

Impulsive. Suicidal. Self harming. Bulimia. Not knowing who I am.

I have a long history of needing to be perfect. To not upset others. To be what someone else wants me to be. No matter what that is.

I play to the role. I can be whoever you want me to be, I just wish I knew who I wanted to be.

Not sustainable in the long run.

Today I am in twice weekly therapy through the centre for psychotherapy in Newcastle. Not all health systems have such a service, but you should look.

We’re working on me accepting me as a valid person. As having feelings, and THAT IS OKAY. Knowing where they come from. And knowing how I respond. In an aim to respond less extremely next time.

Accepting. And growing.

Technically I’m a functional adult.

I work. I study. I date. I’m a great friend and family member.

I just still melt down occasionally. All too much…

Borderline Personality Disorder can be managed. We can learn to accept and love ourselves.

It just takes time

And patience.

From me

And you.

—-

Snap, snap

I borrowed Dad’s DSLR over the weekend to take some snaps for a client and while at the footy. It’s made me realise I really need my own DSLR cause there’s some things where the iPhone camera (& my point & shoot) just doesn’t cut it. So camera people – come at me with your suggestions. I’m looking for something that I can shoot fast moving sports with (think car racing, footy, wrestling), macro and your standard everyday photos.

Anyways, here’s some of the shots I took over the weekend.

World Ovarian Cancer Day

Lest We Forget

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

For the fallen

With proud thanksgiving, a mother for her children,
England mourns for her dead across the sea.
Flesh of her flesh they were, spirit of her spirit,
Fallen in the cause of the free.

Solemn the drums thrill: Death august and royal
Sings sorrow up into immortal spheres.
There is music in the midst of desolation
And a glory that shines upon our tears.

They went with songs to the battle, they were young,
Straight of limb, true of eye, steady and aglow.
They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted,
They fell with their faces to the foe.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old;
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.

They mingle not with their laughing comrades again;
They sit no more at familiar tables at home;
They have no lot in our labour of the day-time;
They sleep beyond England’s foam.

But where our desires are and our hopes profound,
Felt as a well-spring that is hidden from sight,
To the innermost heart of their own land they are known
As the stars are known to the Night;

As the stars that shall be bright when we are dust,
Moving in marches upon the heavenly plain,
As the stars that are starry in the time of our darkness,
To the end, to the end, they remain.

Laurence Binyon (1869–1943)

Thank you to all who have serve, or are serving. Lest we forget

Mother’s Day 2013

Disclaimer: I created and received 2 prints courtesy of PasterCandy. I’d share my poster but they are gifts 🙂 Unless noted, all wording and opinions are my own.

Mother’s Day is coming up soon (May 12 in Oz) and to help you out if you have a mother to buy for or just want to give you kids some ideas I’ve compiled a bit of a list. Hubby, if you are reading this – I’ll print this list and circle what I want 😉

For the Gardener

Digger’s Club membership
plants
gardening tools
Pre-pay for professional garden services e.g. gardening or lawnmowing

For the Scrapbooker

Project Life Mini albums
Project Life
scrapbooking tools – maybe something she’s had her eye on for awhile (like a Silhouette maybe)

For the tea/coffee drinker

Goodies from Rabbit Hole Tea or T2 or Art of Tea
A nice mug or cup & saucer
a delicious (maybe homemade) snack to go with their cuppa

For the geek mum

Beads from Think Geek
Soft Kitty anything (I have a hat & socks – want the hoody)
Doctor Who anything (or change Doctor Who for your Mum’s favourite show)
heck anything from Think Geek

For the tech mum

a tablet (iPad or Android or Windows equivalent)
cover for phone or tablet
iPod
portable speakers or new headphones

For the photographer mum

new camera equipment
photo printing vouchers
new SD cards

Other (only cause I couldn’t think of a suitable heading – yeah I’m lazy :p)

Pandora anything. I love the new beads (like this for example)
Scented soy candles
Dream Man Arm Pillow (?!)
a good book
an afternoon out
something handmade – by yourself or the kids
something handmade by a local artist (like the amazing ceramics by Kim Foale)

If you want something super special for your mum this Mother’s Day and you use Instagram I can recommend PosterCandy. They offer posters of your Instagram images. Sizes range from 30cm x 40cm (12, 20, 35 or 48 images) up to 70cm x 100cm (70, 117, 140 or 176 images) and prices range from $19.99 to $49.95) Currently they only ship to Australia and New Zealand. All posters fit into standard IKEA frames. If you don’t have an IKEA nearby (like us in Tasmania) you’ll have to shop around for a frame to fit. The quality is amazing too.

Creating your poster is easy. You select your poster size

The site then logins into your Instagram account (after asking for your permission) and you’re taken to the Poster Maker

From here you can change how many photos per print, print orientation, Background colour and how many posters you want to order. All your photos from your Instagram account are show in the middle and you just drag your photo to where you want it. There is also an option to create a totally random selection of your photos. You can also filter your photos by # tag. Once ordered, your poster can take between 3-5 days to arrive.

One lucky reader has the chance to win themselves a PosterCandy for their mum (or themselves).

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Vale Chrissy Amphlett

Hello Kitty!

No secret I’m a bit of a Hello Kitty fan and there is soooo much Hello Kitty merch out there. Some of it I’d never be caught dead with – like the Hello Kitty water dispenser. Or you can transform yourself into Hello Kitty, then you could always weigh yourself on some Hello Kitty bathroom scales. Hello Kitty walking stick anyone?

and then there’s the stranger….

(and if you can’t figure our what some of them are… a gun(!), a condom holder (um wtf?), a urinal target, a chainsaw, a corset (actually that’s kind of pretty), a vibrator Disappointed smile , contact lenses, sanitary products and finally a Hello Kitty house – the whole thing is totally Hello Kitty

Now we’ve seen some of the strange, how about the cute….

earrings, necklaces, rings, phone covers, doona covers and the multitude of soft toys

and to make you smell sweet – Hello Kitty Perfumed Body Mists (Bubblegum, Strawberries & Cream, Melon, Musk Sticks)

New to the Hello Kitty body mist scene is Vanilla Ice Cream (it’s the yellow bottle). I’m a huge fan of all things vanilla and remember buying lots of vanilla scented body sprays when I was younger. The Hello Kitty spray isn’t sickly sweet and leaves a nice lingering smell. Recommended retail price is $4.99

To win yourself a set of 2 Hello Kitty body mists leave a comment telling me your favourite scent and why?

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Terms:

Entry is open to Australian residents only.
This is a game of chance.
Winner will receive one Hello Kitty Vanilla Ice Cream body mist & one other Hello Kitty body mist.
Once contacted winner has 1 week to get back in contact or the winner will be redrawn
Good luck!

Fostering the love of books

Disclaimer – I received some Me Books books to try for free and I am part of the Me Books review team in Australia. All opinions and wording (unless noted) are my own.

I can’t remember the first book I read but I can remember always having hundreds of books around. One room of our house growing up had a wall of books – that room ended up being my bedroom, sadly minus the wall of bookshelves. Mum & Dad read to both my brother & I from a young age. Tilly and Tessa was apparently a favourite as was the Miffy books and the Mog books. My brother’s favourite was Grug. I remember reading Shakespeare when I was young – Midsummer Nights Dream is still a favourite of mine.

We’ve tried to install this love of books in Miss K. We’ve read to her since she was really little. Birthdays and Christmas are always a time to give new books. She’s inherited some of my books – big surprise Tilly & Tessa is one of those books (she loves it as much as I did) and we’ve downloaded some books for her on the iPad, mainly interactive ones but we’ve found she’s not as interested in them after the first or second read. When offered to take a look at the Me Books app, I jumped at the chance. Mainly because their library include favourites from my childhood – Ladybird books! I had a heap of these books when I was young, some which had been handed down from cousins and other family. Well read and well worn. And the Beatrix Potter collection. There’s also more modern reads based on favourite TV shows like Peppa Pig and Charlie & Lola.

Me Books offers children a great range of books that are interactive. Kids can read along; have the story read to them by well known personalities (like Sir David Jason, Rik Mayall and Richard E Grant); touch the pages for interactive sound effects; record the story themselves (or by a parent/grandparent/carer etc)

When you download the app from the App Store you’ll be given the following screen with your free book, Little Red Riding Hood.

To create a Me Books account, to access other books, click on the Shop button then click Account. Click Create Account, enter your email and a password and your done. When you create an account, you will also get the following three Me Books – Shopping with Mother, Talk about School and Sleeping Beauty.

So far Miss K has devoured them. Peppa Meets the Queen has been read and played numerous times, as has Talkabout starting school.

Me Books have also dropped the price of their The Land of Me book apps. They are now 99c each. “In this BAFTA nominated early learning adventure for 2 – 6 year olds, children encounter an enchanting cast of loveable characters. Join Eric the raccoon, Buddy Boo the bear and Willow the owl on an epic journey through your child’s imagination.”
I’d never heard of The Land of Me but after checking out their website I’ve decided they are very cute (and I think they should have plushies of the main characters – I would buy them all.)

The apps included in the super sale are:
The Land of Me – Shape, Size and Colour
The Land of Me – Making Things
The Land of Me – Songs and Rhymes

These have quickly become favourites too with The Land of Me – Songs & Rhymes on high rotation. And the good thing is, they aren’t annoying like some other apps aimed at kids.

The Me Books app is free to download, you get Little Red Riding Hood for free AND when you join the Me Books store you get another 3 books (Shopping with Mother, Talk about School and Sleeping Beauty) free as well. Books in the Me Books store range from 99c to $2.99 (most are $2.99). Books in the Modern section include Charlie & Lola and Peppa Pig. Classics include Beatrix Potter and lots of Ladybird Books.

And so it begins…

Miss K started day care at the local Early Learning Centre a month ago and we’re getting quite a pile of artwork.

I’ve been putting some of her art pre day care into a binder because it has all been A4 or smaller. Now she’s at day care we’re getting larger pieces and stuff that clearly won’t fit in a binder.

Now the question for you, dear readers, is what can I use to store all these bits of art?

I’ve been taking photos and archiving them using a great app called Artkive.

Artkive allows you to take a photo of your children’s artwork and tag it with the child’s name, grade and date.
You can create a Share Circle so you can share, via email, your Artkive with family and friends – a great way to share artwork with Grandparents (or anyone else you like)!
If you live in the US or Canada you can get books printed of your children’s artwork too. Hopefully that will be available worldwide soon. But if you would like to get a book you can email them.

An Afternoon of Teal and good fun

Sunday Mum & I held our second Afternoon Teal fundraising event. This year our event was called Crop Teal You Drop as we’d planned a day with a scrapbooking theme. Due to a few unforseen circumstances we ended having to shorten the day to just the Afternoon Tea part of the event.

We started the afternoon off with a quick group shot and while we printed out our image had a quick game of Scattergories, that was a great laugh and a good way to start the afternoon off.

Most of the ladies who attended are not scrapbookers and I think weren’t sure what to expect when we announced we had a scrapbook challenge. The pages all turned out different and I think everyone had a good time. This is a small selection of the pages created.

and then there was all the food!

We had a raffle and a silent auction with some amazing prizes from amazing sponsors Kim Foale, Inner B, Rabbit Hole Tea and Vitality Brands.

Prizes clockwise from top left: cups by Kim Foale; Beauty & the Bees gift pack; Rabbit Hole Tea teapot & selection of teas; Cancer Council pack from Vitality Brands; Mum Organiser and Wellbeing pad from Inner B. A HUGE thank you to all who donated prizes.

I’m amazed at how much there is for Ovarian Cancer Awareness month this year. Two of the ladies from Ovarian Cancer Australia will be on The Morning Show tomorrow (Feb 27th,) around 10.15. Tomorrow is also Teal Ribbon day. Buy your Teal Ribbon today from Chemmart Pharmacies, Harvey Norman, My Size, Brazilian Butterfly and Contours.

I’ll be wearing my teal ribbon tomorrow along with this gorgeous necklace from the amazing Art in the Round on Etsy.

She makes some gorgeous awareness ribbon pendants as well as other gorgeous pendants (and now she sells matching earrings!)